In case you’ve been living under a rock/lashed to a bedpost for the past week, you’ll know that bestselling author of the Fifty Shades trilogy E.L. James just announced a sequel of sorts to her record-breaking erotic series, informing us across various social media platforms that June 18 will see the publication of her new book Grey: Fifty Shades of Grey as Told by Christian.
As you may have guessed, this “new” book will be a retelling of her original story through the eyes of billionaire playboy and Bunnings Gold Member Christian Grey (the original trilogy having been written from the perspective of college student Anastasia Steele).
While the phrase “flogging a dead horse” comes to mind (and the question of whether or not the horse enjoys it), 125 million copies of the trilogy sold makes for an undoubtedly solid fanbase, and James has said that the first page of the new book is “dedicated to those readers who asked … and asked … and asked … and asked for this”.
Because we care about literature here at Avid Reader (and care even more about fat stacks of cash), we have decided to follow E.L. James’ lead and rewrite some bestsellers from the point-of-view of minor characters.
OUR NEW POINT-OF-VIEW BESTSELLERS:
The Girl with the Dragon Footstool
Steig Larsson’s bestselling series of thrillers gets a much-needed reboot with the same story of murder, conspiracy and inconceivable violence told from the point of view of Kårlbük, a sturdy and yet stylish Swedish resting cube. (or you could pre-order the real new book in the series!)
All These Talking Animals Are Fouling Up The Shed
E.B. White’s timeless and universally-loved children’s book about the power of friendship is turned on its head with a new narrator: Lurvy, the farmhand tasked with primary care of a highly problematic pig but more pressingly, the person tasked with cleaning up a barn increasingly covered with spiderwebs and animals who think they’re too good to go to the toilet in the hay.
I Have to Teach Five Lectures on how Albino Monks Control the Stockmarket?
Dan Brown’s record-breaking mystery The Da Vinci Code is now told from the point of view of Jim Shippings, Robert Langdon’s Harvard colleague who has to pick up all of Langdon’s teaching work while he’s off solving international conspiracies and who’s not even sure Symbology is a real field of study.
It’s Tolling Time
Ernest Hemingway’s classic tale of the Spanish Civil War told from the point of view of a doorbell in a small cafe in Segovia. This thrilling reimagining is concerned less with blowing up bridges and the collision of modernist warfare with classical masculinity and more with letting people know when someone has walked into a shop.
Harry Potter and the Worrying Trend of Owl Slavery
A searing exposé of systematic subjugation and horrendous work conditions of Owls in the postal service, newspaper industry and even the halls of the Ministry of Magic (whose assertion that they now use enchanted paper aeroplanes is proved to be flat out false). Literally worked to a death as a living communication service, it is hard to imagine how and why these glorious creatures are treated so inhumanely in a society that has created a bean that changes flavours seemingly independently. Suitable for ages 7 and up.
The Mindfulness Quarterly BAS Statement
A new publication produced in partnership with the Australian Tax Office which utilises recent research into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy that shows that the simple act of filling in a backdated Fringe Benefits Tax form with regards to an amended assessment from the last two financial years up to but not including your most recent four PAYG installments can lead to a more relaxed mind. Coloured pencils not included (publication date: July 1).